Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
