I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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