I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
