In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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