get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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