Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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