when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
