Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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