when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
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I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
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I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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