U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
this must be what syphilis tastes like
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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