I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
