if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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