The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
