I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
