I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
