I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
