i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
