she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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