that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm always down for nudity.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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