i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
do herpes really smell.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
