I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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