so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
