Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
