Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
