so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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