We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
