last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
