You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
