Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
i think my cat just said my name.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
