remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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