in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
