We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
