No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
