I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize