I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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