that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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