Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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