Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
