After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
