Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
