he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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