If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
