I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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