Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
