Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
