M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
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I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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