I murdered the dance floor call the cops
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
it's great music for shaving your balls
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I would fuck him just for his dog
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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