im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
