i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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