You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
