I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
