Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
