I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
