I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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