OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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