I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
