you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
