At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
