No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
