I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
We got so high we made milksteak
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
