my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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