Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
