I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
