Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
There's always time for handjobs
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
