I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
