stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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