i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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