Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
